Environmental Disaster Reality Show

Joe and Nelly’s Conversation with the Earth

They sat on the edge of a high cliff in Croatia, the Adriatic stretching out endless and blue, its calmness a strange contrast to the storms they spoke of.

Nelly: “It’s funny. The sea looks eternal, but we’ve poisoned almost every ocean already. Sometimes I wonder if the planet remembers each scar we’ve given it.”

Joe: “It does. A hundred years of disasters, and each one is carved deep.”

He leaned back, eyes half-shut, and began to list them.

Joe: “First came the Dust Bowl in the 1930s—millions of farmers forced off their land in the United States. They treated the earth like an enemy, and the wind carried away their future.”

Nelly: “And Japan… Minamata. The mercury from that chemical factory killed people slowly. Children born with twisted limbs, whole families cursed by a poison they never chose.”

Joe: “The seas took blow after blow. The Torrey Canyon spill in ’67, the Exxon Valdez in Alaska, and later, Deepwater Horizon in the Gulf of Mexico. Oil spreading black like a funeral shroud.”

Nelly’s voice lowered.

Nelly: “And the land itself—Love Canal. Families built their homes on buried chemical waste. Mothers watching their children fall sick, while governments looked away.”

Joe: “The machines we thought would save us turned against us. Three Mile Island in America, then Chernobyl—radiation that still haunts Ukraine. And Fukushima, when the tsunami ripped through Japan. We promised the atom was safe, but we lied to ourselves.”

They fell silent for a moment, listening to the waves slap the rocks.

Nelly: “And Bhopal, Joe. That one breaks my heart most of all. A gas cloud that killed thousands while they slept. The poorest paid the highest price.”

Joe: “And the Aral Sea. Once the fourth largest lake in the world, now just a desert with rusted ships stranded on sand. Whole communities lost, swallowed not by water, but by its absence.”

Nelly: “Don’t forget the fires of Kuwait. Black skies, burning oil wells lit by retreating soldiers. The earth itself screaming.”

Joe: “And while all this happened, the Amazon was cut down tree by tree, lung by lung. And out in the Pacific, our garbage floated into an island of plastic. We didn’t even notice at first.”

She pulled her knees to her chest, staring into the horizon.

Nelly: “All these separate disasters… but they add up to something larger, don’t they? The climate itself shifting. Droughts, floods, heatwaves. We’ve lit the fuse of the greatest disaster of them all.”

Joe: “Yeah. Climate change isn’t a single event—it’s the sum of all our sins. Every mistake amplified. Every choice coming back to haunt us.”

The sky darkened slightly, a storm building out to sea.

Nelly: “Do you think we’ll ever learn?”

Joe: “The earth is patient. Maybe she’s waiting to see if we’re worth forgiving. Maybe our children will be the ones to decide.”

The first raindrops fell, cool against their skin. They didn’t move. They let the rain wash over them, as if it were the planet’s tears—or perhaps its baptism.

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The Stars are Blind

Solid Snake:
Nelly, the Third World is done being the First World’s landfill. Africa didn’t ask for our dead laptops, our cracked phones, our poisoned batteries leaching cobalt and lies into the soil. We call it “recycling.” They call it sickness. Kids coughing up silicon dust. Rivers glowing like boss levels gone wrong.

Nelly Furtado:
I’ve seen it, Snake. Containers marked donations. Inside? Obsolete junk, planned to fail. The cruelty is quiet, bureaucratic.

Solid Snake:
Exactly. Planned obsolescence is a war crime dressed up as innovation. We don’t need another annual upgrade. We need a phone that refuses to die.
European-made. No blood minerals. Hemp plastic casing — light, tough, biodegradable if it ever breaks, which it won’t. Modular guts. You replace a part, not the planet.

Nelly Furtado:
A phone that ages like a cathedral, not like fast fashion.

Solid Snake:
A thousand-year phone. I call it the Millennium Hilton Warranty.
If empires collapse, it still works. If the grid goes dark, it remembers.
No ads. No dopamine traps. Just signal, truth, and silence when you need it.

Nelly Furtado:
That would terrify Silicon Valley.

Solid Snake:
Good. They’ve been comfortable too long.
And yeah — God Emperor Donald Trump? Crazy. Loud-crazy, spectacle-crazy.
But here’s the real op: most internet stars don’t see it. Or worse — they see it and keep scrolling. Likes over lives. Engagement over ethics.

Nelly Furtado:
The algorithm rewards blindness.

Solid Snake:
That’s why this isn’t about a phone. It’s about choosing durability over distraction.
If people carry something built to last a millennium, maybe they start thinking past the next election cycle… past the next trend… past themselves.

Nelly Furtado:
A device as a moral object.

Solid Snake:
Exactly. No more dumping our ghosts on someone else’s children.
This time, we clean up our own mess.

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The Beatles: Like a Bird

Joe and Nelly — heated debate, studio lights buzzing

Nelly:
You honestly believe Paul McCartney was replaced by some Bond-meets–Austin Powers doppelgänger with a scalpel and a tuxedo?

Joe:
Believe? I observe. Mid-60s, boom — jawline sharper, confidence dialed to eleven, suddenly he’s flirting like a secret agent. Paul becomes… Faul. Very convenient.

Nelly:
Or — wild thought — he just grew up, got rich, and discovered cheekbones.

Joe:
Cheekbones don’t explain the accent drift, the posture, the eyebrow work. That’s not Liverpool, that’s MI6 with a guitar.

Nelly:
Oh please. If MI6 could write “Hey Jude,” the world would be a very different place.

Joe:
I’m not saying he wrote it badly. I’m saying the new guy would do nicely in his gob.

Nelly:
Joe—!

Joe:
I mean it British-style. Gob. Mouth. Stick the old narrative right in there and tell it to shut up.

Nelly:
You realize “gob” makes it sound like you’re starting a pub fight in Manchester.

Joe:
Exactly. This theory lives in a pub, not a university. Pint on the table, conspiracy on the wall.

Nelly:
So now he’s James Bond and Austin Powers?

Joe:
Bond’s confidence, Austin’s absurdity, Beatles’ harmonies. That’s the formula. Plastic surgery just polished the cover.

Nelly:
Joe, the Beatles didn’t need a body swap. They had talent, timing, and screaming teenagers.

Joe:
And propaganda budgets.

Nelly:
You’re impossible.

Joe:
And yet… every time you watch late-era Paul, you squint.

Nelly:
I squint because you’ve poisoned my brain.

Joe:
See? Faul already did nicely in your gob. 🎤

Nelly:
Shut your gob, Joe.

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Nelly’s Neighborhood

Christus Rex walks slowly through Clark Park, where the grass still remembers bare feet and cheap guitars. The city has changed, but the trees haven’t forgotten.

Tom Cruise sits on a bench, coffee in hand, watching an electric tram glide past where traffic once snarled.

Tom Cruise:
I used to live right here. Clark Park.
Back when rent was possible and hope didn’t feel like a luxury item.
You could hear kids, not engines. You could smell rain, not exhaust.
People think the “good old days” are a myth—but they’re not.
They’re just badly archived.

Christus Rex:
Memory is a form of prophecy.
You remember because it’s still possible.

Tom Cruise (half-smiling):
We didn’t call it sustainability back then.
We just called it… living.
Walking everywhere. Talking to strangers.
Letting neighborhoods raise you when families were stretched thin.

An electric avenue hums softly nearby. No cars coughing smoke. Just motion without violence.

Tom Cruise:
If we’d had this tech then—clean transit, quiet streets—
half the illnesses people carry today wouldn’t exist.
You don’t realize how much damage noise and fumes do
until you finally hear silence again.

Nelly Furtado (passing through the park, nodding in recognition):
East Van taught us how to belong without pretending to be rich.
That’s rare now.

Christus Rex:
That’s why this place matters.
East Vancouver—the world’s greenest—not as a slogan,
but as a last act of wisdom.
Electric avenues so the sick can breathe.
Parks instead of parking.
Homes instead of investments.

Tom Cruise:
The future keeps trying to sell itself as faster, louder, bigger.
But the best years of my life?
They were slower.
You could sit on a bench and feel like you were part of something.

Christus Rex:
The kingdom does not arrive with spectacle.
It arrives when a neighborhood decides
that breathing clean air is not a privilege.

A child rides past on a bike. The tram bell rings gently, almost politely.

Tom Cruise (quietly):
If this is our last chance…
then it should look like Clark Park on a good day.
Not perfect. Just human.

Christus Rex:
Then remember it clearly.
And help build it again.

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