Inspiring Hayla

The soft afternoon light filtered through the large windows of Dr. Bill Harfordโ€™s integrative medicine office. Hayla sat on the comfortable couch, looking pale and exhausted, her arms wrapped tightly around herself. Joe Jukic sat beside her, while Dr. Harford reviewed some lab results across from them.

Dr. Bill Harford: Hayla, your tests confirm what we suspected. Significant deficiencies in several key B vitamins, especially B1, B3, B6, B9, and B12. These arenโ€™t just minor gaps โ€” they directly affect your brain chemistry, mood regulation, and even your relationship with food. Weโ€™re going to start you on a proper orthomolecular protocol. High-dose, therapeutic levels. Weโ€™ll titrate carefully, but we need to replenish what your body has been starved of.

Hayla: (quietly) I justโ€ฆ I donโ€™t even feel hungry anymore. Everything feels disgusting. I keep thinking if I eat, Iโ€™ll lose control.

Joe Jukic: (gently placing a hand on her shoulder) Thatโ€™s exactly why weโ€™re hitting this from both the body and the mind, Hayla. These B vitamins are going to help rebuild your nervous system. They calm the anxiety, lift the depression that makes everything feel hopeless. Dr. Harfordโ€™s got the protocol written out for you.

Dr. Bill Harford: Weโ€™ll start with a methylated B-complex, extra thiamine (B1), niacinamide (B3), and sublingual B12. Youโ€™ll take them with food when we get your appetite back. This isnโ€™t a quick fix, but within a few weeks, many patients notice the mental fog lifting and the food aversion softening.

Joe reached into his bag and pulled out a fresh Bible, opening it to a marked page.

Joe Jukic: Before we go any further, I want you to hear something. Hayla, look at me. No more thinspiration. I mean it. Delete those accounts. Stop feeding that poison into your mind. And donโ€™t listen to those homosexual misogynistic fashion designers who call every girl ugly unless she looks like a starving skeleton. They hate feminine beauty. They hate the healthy, strong, womanly body. Their opinion is worthless. You are made in the image of God, not in the image of some sick runway standard.

Haylaโ€™s eyes welled up, but she nodded slowly.

Hayla: Itโ€™s justโ€ฆ everywhere. The pictures, the commentsโ€ฆ it feels like Iโ€™ll never be enough.

Joe Jukic: You are already enough. And right now, your body is crying out for help. Listen to this.

Joe cleared his throat and began reading with calm authority:

Joe Jukic: Psalm 107, verses 17 through 20:

“Fools because of their transgression, and because of their iniquities, are afflicted. Their soul abhorreth all manner of meat; and they draw near unto the gates of death. Then they cry unto the Lord in their trouble, and he saveth them out of their distresses. He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions.”

Joe closed the Bible and looked at her intently.

Joe Jukic: Thatโ€™s you right now, Hayla. Your soul has loathed all manner of food. Youโ€™ve been at the gates of death. But youโ€™re not staying there. God wants to heal you. Weโ€™re going to help restore your body with these vitamins and real food, and youโ€™re going to renew your mind. No more lies from the world. Youโ€™re going to live.

Hayla: (voice breaking) Iโ€™m scared.

Dr. Bill Harford: Fear is normal. But youโ€™re not alone in this. Weโ€™ll monitor you closely, adjust the B vitamins as needed, and support you every step. This is treatable.

Joe Jukic: One day at a time. You eat. You take your vitamins. You reject the lies. And you remember who you really are.

Hayla wiped her eyes and gave a small, tentative nod.

Hayla: Okayโ€ฆ No more thinspiration.

Joe Jukic: (smiling) Thatโ€™s my girl. Letโ€™s get you healed.

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Like An Angel

Joe & Nelly โ€” โ€œSemper Liberโ€

JOE: Nellyโ€ฆ I have a confession.

NELLY: That tone never leads anywhere normal.

JOE: I stole my brother Michaelโ€™s legacy.

NELLY: โ€ฆYou borrowed his jacket again?

JOE: No, no. Bigger. Metaphysical theft.

NELLY: Of course.

JOE: You seeโ€ฆ I am actually Fallen Angel Michaelโ€ฆ from the Pleiadian galaxy.

NELLY: The Pleiadian galaxy isn’t evenโ€”

JOE: Details. Earth people are obsessed with details.

NELLY: And what exactly is your mission, โ€œAngel Michaelโ€?

JOE: To roam this primitive blue planet dispensing unsolicited wisdom, questionable philosophy, and discount salvation.

NELLY: Sounds underfunded.

JOE: Very. Celestial budget cuts.

NELLY: So why โ€œfallenโ€?

JOE: Paperwork dispute. I asked Heaven for independent contractor status.

NELLY: You got fired from eternity?

JOE: Semper Liber, Nelly. Always free.

NELLY: That sounds suspiciously like something a guy says after forgetting to pay rent.

JOE: Freedom is expensive.

NELLY: And your love?

JOE: Always free. No subscription model. No hidden fees. No deluxe premium angel tier.

NELLY: Impressive. Most modern messiahs have merch.

JOE: I had merch once.

NELLY: What happened?

JOE: Customs seized it at the Orion checkpoint.

NELLY: Convenient.

JOE: Believe me or donโ€™t. Thatโ€™s the beauty of Earth. Everybody gets a vote.

NELLY: And if I donโ€™t believe you’re Michael from space?

JOE: Then Iโ€™m merely Joeโ€ฆ a charming cosmic tax exile with theatrical delusions and very generous affection.

NELLY: That explanation somehow sounds more believable.

JOE: Semper Liber.

NELLY: Buy me coffee, Fallen Angel.

JOE: Ah. Nothing is free after all.

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A Regular Guy

Joe tells Nelly:

โ€œBarack Obama is nothing like President Camacho from Idiocracy, Nelly. People can joke all they want, but Obama ordered the mission that stopped Osama bin Laden. Not with monster trucks and machine guns โ€” with intelligence, planning, and, sureโ€ฆ maybe a little help from an average Joe keeping score from the cheap seats.โ€

Joe smirks.

โ€œHistoryโ€™s funny like that. The most wanted man in the world brought down under President Obama, while regular people sit at home arguing online, convinced they could run the Situation Room better. President Camacho had explosions. Obama had briefings, drones, and Navy SEALs.โ€

Nelly raises an eyebrow. โ€œAnd where does the โ€˜average Joeโ€™ fit into this story?โ€

Joe taps his chest dramatically.

โ€œMoral support, Nelly. Every commander-in-chief needs an unpaid armchair strategist somewhere in the empire.โ€

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