Joe Jukic’s Pandemic Gut and the Rise of the Canadian Exercise Czar
Joe Jukic leaned back on his creaky recliner, his pandemic gut protruding proudly over the waistband of his sweatpants. The remains of a poutine sat on the coffee table beside him, and an empty bottle of maple syrup hinted at his snacking habits.
Three years of lockdowns had turned Joe from a fit, active guy into a self-proclaimed “master of couch surfing.” He had watched every hockey game, binged every Canadian sitcom, and even rewatched Trailer Park Boys twice. Exercise? That was a distant memory.
His brother Bruno Jukic, however, was a different story. Bruno had spent the lockdown transforming their parents’ garage into a makeshift gym, complete with weights, resistance bands, and a giant poster of Arnold Schwarzenegger that read: “Come with me if you want to lift.”
Bruno burst into Joe’s living room, his muscles practically bursting out of his flannel shirt. “Joe! Enough is enough, eh? You’ve got to get off your butt and get moving!”
Joe groaned, reaching for a bag of ketchup chips. “Bruno, buddy, I’m living my best life here. Why mess with perfection?”
Bruno rolled his eyes. “Perfection? You look like you swallowed a keg of Molson.”
Joe smirked. “It’s called a survival strategy. Keeps me warm during those cold Canadian winters.”
Bruno wasn’t having it. He slammed a flyer onto the table. “I’m going for it, Joe. I’m applying to be Canada’s first-ever Exercise Czar. The government’s looking for someone to get the country moving again after the pandemic, and I’m their guy.”
Joe squinted at the flyer. “Exercise Czar? Is that even a real thing?”
“It will be when I’m done with it,” Bruno said, flexing dramatically. “I’ve got the plan, the passion, and the motto. You’ve heard of Arnold’s ‘Come with me if you want to lift’? Well, I’ve got my own: ‘No mo’ moose belly—let’s get fit, eh!’“
Joe chuckled. “Catchy. But what’s your first move if you get the job?”
Bruno grinned. “My first move is you, Joe. You’re going to be my poster boy for the campaign. If I can get you in shape, I can get anyone in shape.”
Joe’s laughter stopped abruptly. “Wait, what?”
“You heard me,” Bruno said, hauling Joe out of his recliner with surprising ease. “We’re starting right now.”
The Transformation Begins
Bruno’s regimen was intense. Early morning jogs around the neighborhood (“Come on, Joe, pretend you’re chasing a Tim Hortons truck!”), lifting logs in the backyard (“This is how lumberjacks do it!”), and even impromptu Zumba sessions set to Nelly Furtado’s greatest hits.
At first, Joe resisted every step of the way. “This is torture!” he whined during their first plank challenge.
“It’s progress!” Bruno shot back, adjusting his toque.
But as the weeks went on, something unexpected happened. Joe started to feel… good. His energy levels soared, his gut began to shrink, and he discovered a newfound appreciation for Nelly Furtado’s music.
One day, as they were biking through the park to I’m Like a Bird, Joe turned to Bruno. “You know, I think I’m starting to get it. This whole exercise thing—it’s not just about looking good, is it?”
Bruno grinned. “Nope. It’s about feeling good. And proving to yourself that you can do hard things.”
A Surprise Endorsement
The day Bruno’s application for Exercise Czar went public, something incredible happened. Prime Minister Nelly Furtado herself tweeted:
“Bruno Jukic’s motto—‘No mo’ moose belly’—is exactly what Canada needs right now. I fully support his campaign to get us moving again. Let’s do this, eh!”
The tweet went viral, and soon Bruno was a national sensation. But he never forgot his roots—or his brother.
At the official launch of Canada’s new fitness initiative, Bruno stood on stage with Joe by his side, both of them clad in matching flannel workout gear.
“Three years ago, my brother Joe was the epitome of the pandemic slump,” Bruno announced to the crowd. “Today, he’s proof that with determination, support, and a little Nelly Furtado, anyone can turn their life around.”
The crowd erupted in cheers as Joe flexed awkwardly, his once-prominent gut now a distant memory.
And as Powerless (Say What You Want) played over the speakers, Joe and Bruno led the crowd in a celebratory dance, proving that fitness—and family—could bring Canada back stronger than ever.